Wishful Dreaming for $$$ for Bills and Fun…

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Wishful dreaming has gotten me thru many a bad day. I’ve only gone to Disneyland twice in my life but the memories I have filter through the lens of my mind and help me get thru turbulent waters.

Today I’m wishful dreaming…winning the lottery, paying off all my school loans and oh, my court fees/fines from 2001…and taking my family to Disney World for nine days. Of course, to win the lottery, one must play the lottery. I do not have money to throw away even on a whimsical dream for lotto wins…

For Court fees/fines I originally owed $19,604 in 2001 due to an utter legal mess/debacle. Now despite my paying what I’m able to month after month, year after year, the amount has more than doubled due to interest. 18 years and I’m deeper in debt…from fees/fines that should have never been imposed upon me in the first place. Read my blog posts, ‘Brianna Kenzie Living Out Loud’, ‘Kinship’, ‘In the Silence of the Night’, ‘Modern Day Witch Hunt’, etc…

Will I ever be free of the debt the State holds over my head in the name of ‘Legal Financial Obligations’? It’s bad enough that I was convicted and served time (2001-2003) but to continue to hold fines/fees over my head for 18 years…CAN ANYONE SAY CONSTITUTIONAL ISSUE…. I would but oh, hey, I don’t have the money to hire an attorney… Any attorney out there willing to help? Just thought I’d ask….

On top of the ‘Legal Financial Obligations’ hanging over my head is my Student Loan Debt. Now, I claim full responsibility for my Student Loan Debt. I just can’t pay off this debt either. After the 2001 legal mess/debacle, I went to college first to try and refocus my life.

First, my focus was on Criminal Justice. I went through a few Quarters of classes for it and suddenly realized that I didn’t want to work in the field…I was just trying to understand what had happened to me in the 2001 legal mess…

My second focus was on becoming a Paralegal. I took all the classes and then some. I even did a short internship at a small law firm. I found that I was very good at Legal research and putting cases and case law together in my classes. But during the internship I realized I wasn’t really in a place in my life to be able to be a Paralegal. Court houses made me nauseous each time I had to file documents for the Attorney I was interning under. I came to realize that while the Attorney gave me an opportunity that very few others would have, I knew that if my word came under question, that due to my legal mess of 2001, I would be viewed as not credible.

So, I have a two year Paralegal Degree but even now feel as if I cannot use it. I am in a better place emotionally and mentally than I was back in 2001, and despite what happened to me, I am still an avid lover of the law. If 2001 hadn’t of happened, and in a perfect world, I would have been one awesome kick-ass Defense Attorney! That’s what I wanted to be…before 2001 happened and nearly killed me. Maybe now if I thought my word wouldn’t jeopardize the law firm, I’d apply for a Paralegal position and hope for an Attorney to give me a chance like the one did for my short internship. But due to 2001…there is that issue.

I am grateful for the experience the Attorney gave me by letting me intern in his law office for a couple of months. For his privacy I will not name him, but let it be said, he was a good guy who knew all the mess of 2001 and still was willing to give me a chance. I hold him in high esteem.

I am short of 16 credits so I do not have a Bachelor Degree. I am in debt up to my eyeballs….I see no way out unless I win the lottery of course. But again, I don’t have money to throw into wishful thinking. A dollar is a lot to me right now. But a good $120,000 would take care of at least my Legal Financial Obligations (that I should not owe!) and my School Loan Debt which…I do owe. Sigh.

Hey if anyone out there’s won the lottery, or has excelled in their career and just have extra money laying around… and just wants to give some away… I could certainly use it! (cheeky I know…but oh so true!)

I’m unemployed right now. I’m not lazy. I am trying to kick start my Writing Career, hoping to get my first book self published soon… I can no longer work retail jobs…due to a car wreck I was injured in, in 2015. I was a passenger. I didn’t realize that the back injury I sustained, would make it difficult for me to stand or walk for long periods of time…it just progressively got worse the past couple of years and this year, made me unable to work. BUT I do not qualify for Disability. So, my sudden writing career is a desperate attempt to find something I can do to make money to live on. And I love to write so it’s a great field for me to pursue. Thankfully my sister/best friend won’t toss me out on my bum. We are roommates and I’m grateful for her, thankful for her heart. However, I will feel much better when I can cover my part of my rent and bills again! Oh, we need a car too… my sisters recently stopped working… so somehow I need to help her get a car so she doesn’t have to keep borrowing one… And you know, Ive never owned a car… I WISH I COULD OWN A CAR too! I have a license… Im a good driver…

Again, that wishful dreaming…

Oh the worries of life…and bills…and life!!! I so want to go to Disneyland or Disney World! I wish I could go for two weeks with my Sister and just focus on having a little bit of fun. Everyone deserves fun in their life… but for now I will have to be content to fall back on my memories of my trip to Disney Land. I miss Big Thunder Mountain Railroad. I miss Indiana Jones! I miss Pirates of the Caribbean! I miss…ALL OF IT! Oh how I wish…

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