Happy Thanksgiving Day

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Thanksgiving Day is more than turkey and pie although when it’s cooking and the aroma is filling the house…it could arguably be a good point. But what I love most about any holiday is the sound of family sharing and talking with each other.

A lot of families push to celebrate the holiday on the exact day which sometimes alienates other family members who can’t take the day off of work to be there. Many married couples are forced to make a choice as to which family to spend the day with. Why do they have to always choose one family over the other? Why not alternate so no one feels left out.

A holiday is special but what makes the holiday special is family. In our family we rarely celebrate a holiday on the actual day it’s on. We celebrate when everyone can be there.

I am thankful for my family that God has so richly blessed me with. Thankful for the love we all share, the smiles and the laughs…Just grateful for all the years I’ve gotten to share with them.

Happy Thanksgiving everyone! Hope it’s full of love and laughter. Treasure the smiles and never lose sight of the fact that it’s not the holiday that’s important…it’s your family. Don’t let burnt turkeys or forgotten casseroles spoil your day, whatever day you choose to have it on.

I am thankful for God’s blessings.

Pretend Tea

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When I was little I used to have tea parties with my stuffed animals around my table in the backyard. I’d dress them up for a special day and carry them carefully down the stairs to their seats outside. I would usually dress a bit frilly, putting on my leggings and a colorful play tutu skirt. My favorite was lime green. I even took the time to brush the knots out of my hair…well, most of them anyway before putting on one of each of my favorite sneakers. Then I’d head to the kitchen to get the special treats ready.

Daddy always kept ginger snap cookies for me and I was allowed to have four a day. But on Tea Party Day everyone got two cookies each on a pretty purple or pink paper plate. I would carefully pour water into the paper cups and tell all my friends that it was Pretend Tea, the best tea in the world. Then I’d sit and have my Pretend Tea and gingersnaps all the while telling my friends about the Fairy King and Queen that would soon come to visit…They always came in the Fall when the leaves were so pretty and they would race each other to visit me.

Sometimes Daddy would come home while I was having my Tea Day and at first he would look tired and annoyed. But then he’d change into his favorite jeans and put on his blue shirt then sit down on the rock by the table. I always had an extra cup of Pretend Tea just in case he stopped by to see us. He would ask me how we were all doing and if we were enjoying our treats. He was always kind to my friends.

We’d sit and chat about the Fairy King and Queen and how excited we all were that the leaves were giving them rides. He would be so tired from a long day at work, I could see it lurking in his eyes, yet he sat there at ease with me, smiling and sipping Pretend Tea.

I always ate more gingersnaps than I was allowed on Tea Party Days because my friends asked me to please have theirs since they were so full of Pretend Tea. Daddy would eat like six of them and I would eat eight including my own two.

We’d walk down by the water and he would talk to me about why the sky was blue and the water was a murky green in places. We’d look for squirrels since they would be kind enough to tell the Fairy King and Queen that I could play tomorrow since Tea Day had ran so late. Squirrels and Fairy’s were the best of friends and always helped each other out.

Dad would clean my table and I would carry my furry friends back upstairs to their shelf. I’d put Sabree, my stuffed tiger kitten on my pillow so she could keep watch over everyone. Then, I’d go downstairs and help Daddy with dinner.

I loved Tea Party Days because if I had them late enough in the afternoon I could always count on my dad showing up for Pretend Tea. Pretend Tea was the best I ever had because my friends and Daddy were gathered round. I only had those special days maybe once a week or less if it was Winter but each one was important to me.

I would do anything to sit with my Dad and have Pretend Tea again. He wasn’t perfect but at Tea Time all that mattered was that he was there. I miss him so very much….

Wishful Dreaming for $$$ for Bills and Fun…

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Wishful dreaming has gotten me thru many a bad day. I’ve only gone to Disneyland twice in my life but the memories I have filter through the lens of my mind and help me get thru turbulent waters.

Today I’m wishful dreaming…winning the lottery, paying off all my school loans and oh, my court fees/fines from 2001…and taking my family to Disney World for nine days. Of course, to win the lottery, one must play the lottery. I do not have money to throw away even on a whimsical dream for lotto wins…

For Court fees/fines I originally owed $19,604 in 2001 due to an utter legal mess/debacle. Now despite my paying what I’m able to month after month, year after year, the amount has more than doubled due to interest. 18 years and I’m deeper in debt…from fees/fines that should have never been imposed upon me in the first place. Read my blog posts, ‘Brianna Kenzie Living Out Loud’, ‘Kinship’, ‘In the Silence of the Night’, ‘Modern Day Witch Hunt’, etc…

Will I ever be free of the debt the State holds over my head in the name of ‘Legal Financial Obligations’? It’s bad enough that I was convicted and served time (2001-2003) but to continue to hold fines/fees over my head for 18 years…CAN ANYONE SAY CONSTITUTIONAL ISSUE…. I would but oh, hey, I don’t have the money to hire an attorney… Any attorney out there willing to help? Just thought I’d ask….

On top of the ‘Legal Financial Obligations’ hanging over my head is my Student Loan Debt. Now, I claim full responsibility for my Student Loan Debt. I just can’t pay off this debt either. After the 2001 legal mess/debacle, I went to college first to try and refocus my life.

First, my focus was on Criminal Justice. I went through a few Quarters of classes for it and suddenly realized that I didn’t want to work in the field…I was just trying to understand what had happened to me in the 2001 legal mess…

My second focus was on becoming a Paralegal. I took all the classes and then some. I even did a short internship at a small law firm. I found that I was very good at Legal research and putting cases and case law together in my classes. But during the internship I realized I wasn’t really in a place in my life to be able to be a Paralegal. Court houses made me nauseous each time I had to file documents for the Attorney I was interning under. I came to realize that while the Attorney gave me an opportunity that very few others would have, I knew that if my word came under question, that due to my legal mess of 2001, I would be viewed as not credible.

So, I have a two year Paralegal Degree but even now feel as if I cannot use it. I am in a better place emotionally and mentally than I was back in 2001, and despite what happened to me, I am still an avid lover of the law. If 2001 hadn’t of happened, and in a perfect world, I would have been one awesome kick-ass Defense Attorney! That’s what I wanted to be…before 2001 happened and nearly killed me. Maybe now if I thought my word wouldn’t jeopardize the law firm, I’d apply for a Paralegal position and hope for an Attorney to give me a chance like the one did for my short internship. But due to 2001…there is that issue.

I am grateful for the experience the Attorney gave me by letting me intern in his law office for a couple of months. For his privacy I will not name him, but let it be said, he was a good guy who knew all the mess of 2001 and still was willing to give me a chance. I hold him in high esteem.

I am short of 16 credits so I do not have a Bachelor Degree. I am in debt up to my eyeballs….I see no way out unless I win the lottery of course. But again, I don’t have money to throw into wishful thinking. A dollar is a lot to me right now. But a good $120,000 would take care of at least my Legal Financial Obligations (that I should not owe!) and my School Loan Debt which…I do owe. Sigh.

Hey if anyone out there’s won the lottery, or has excelled in their career and just have extra money laying around… and just wants to give some away… I could certainly use it! (cheeky I know…but oh so true!)

I’m unemployed right now. I’m not lazy. I am trying to kick start my Writing Career, hoping to get my first book self published soon… I can no longer work retail jobs…due to a car wreck I was injured in, in 2015. I was a passenger. I didn’t realize that the back injury I sustained, would make it difficult for me to stand or walk for long periods of time…it just progressively got worse the past couple of years and this year, made me unable to work. BUT I do not qualify for Disability. So, my sudden writing career is a desperate attempt to find something I can do to make money to live on. And I love to write so it’s a great field for me to pursue. Thankfully my sister/best friend won’t toss me out on my bum. We are roommates and I’m grateful for her, thankful for her heart. However, I will feel much better when I can cover my part of my rent and bills again! Oh, we need a car too… my sisters recently stopped working… so somehow I need to help her get a car so she doesn’t have to keep borrowing one… And you know, Ive never owned a car… I WISH I COULD OWN A CAR too! I have a license… Im a good driver…

Again, that wishful dreaming…

Oh the worries of life…and bills…and life!!! I so want to go to Disneyland or Disney World! I wish I could go for two weeks with my Sister and just focus on having a little bit of fun. Everyone deserves fun in their life… but for now I will have to be content to fall back on my memories of my trip to Disney Land. I miss Big Thunder Mountain Railroad. I miss Indiana Jones! I miss Pirates of the Caribbean! I miss…ALL OF IT! Oh how I wish…

Best Friends

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A best friend is someone that accepts you just the way you are, one that stands beside you on the good days and kneels beside you in prayer on the bad days.

I am so grateful for my best friend. God knew that I needed someone like her in my life and I am so grateful that He put her in my path. We are the best of friends and Sisters at heart. What a blessing God has given me.

Eleven years have passed and we are still the dynamic duo. Two of the things I’ve learned from her is how to be a good friend and how to find fun in life.

There’s always going to be both good times and bad times along life’s path but when you have a Sister that has your back, that prays with you and for you, life is a much better place.

I am blessed beyond measure by God and because of Him I have a best friend and sister to help me navigate life.

Modern Day Witch Hunt

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November is a difficult month for me for many reasons however, the one that hits me hardest at times is the one from 2001. I was on trial, accused of things that should not have been labeled as crimes. And to make that matter worse, prior to my trial, I was stripped of my own identity and forced to be legally someone else. By doing this, I went from being a teenager to a 32 year old adult in the eyes of the law.

The news media went crazy, using primarily conjecture and speculation to fuel their media throw up. For over 258 days I sat in that County jail being brutalized and sexually assaulted by Predator jail guards…while the media made me “infamous” painting me a villain, a liar…

It was like a modern day witch hunt. People came out of nowhere to falsely accuse me of alleged crimes and grievances…each one seeking their 15 minutes of fame…

I could do nothing but sit in my ice cold jail cell and await my November trial. Each hearing that I was taken to leading up to my trial, the media lined the hallways as I made my way to the courtroom, with Predators guarding me…shouting questions at me that they knew I was not allowed to answer. They were not interested in truth. They wanted to sell their newspapers and garner TV ratings…My face made them a pretty penny.

Articles that labeled me as “forever young” or “teen imposter” ..popped up in the feverish media mayhem leading up to my November trial…these and other media articles manipulated the thoughts of everyone reading them. They had very little fact and were mostly written using conjecture and speculation. By the time my November 2001 trial came around, the media had already convicted me.

These articles that labeled me are still out there causing people to keep convicting me over and over again without ever taking into account my side, my age, or any other real facts because…Don’t people know that you can’t believe everything that the media writes about a person?

My November trial brought Jurors who all acknowledged that they’d been reading the newspapers or seeing the news or news shows about my “alleged crimes” based on the AGE of my “alleged legal identity”. Yet they claimed it wouldn’t interfere with their decisions concerning my trial. What a joke. The Judge even seemed to mock my concern that the news media would influence my trial outcome. Yet I’m sure he knew just like everyone else in that courtroom that the pull of the media can and does influence the thoughts and opinions of others.

I did not get a Fair trial. I was convicted by the media day after day, month after month leading up to my trial…I was not surprised that the Jury “unanimously” convicted me. But in their defense…I was made to look guilty before they even set foot inside the Courtroom.

I was a teenager accused of things that should not have even been labeled as crimes. I was teenager that was labeled as a 32 year old adult despite valid evidence that I was too young to be 32 years old physically. As well as, blood evidence, evidence that the prosecution had knowledge of via Treva Throneberry’s hospital birth record which was gotten through the Social Security Agency. Carl Throneberry had B+ blood type and Patsy Throneberry had O- blood type which means that they could not have produced a child with blood type A+. I have A+ blood type. Also, DNA evidence only proved that it was possible for Carl Throneberry to be my biological father, it did not prove Patsy was my mother. DNA did not prove I was Treva Throneberry. It only proved I was kin to Carl Throneberry.

Of course there was other evidence the Jury ignored like they did the valid age estimation of me from 2000, done before my 2001 arrest etc. like my height record of growth from medical doctors. I was 5 feet 5 inches in 1997. I grew to 5 feet 6 inches by 2001. Treva Throneberry was 5 feet 6 inches tall in 1986 according to her medical and foster care records and in 1987 she was 5 feet 7 inches tall according to her medical and foster care records and her Texas Driver’s License which she got in 1987 when she was 18 years old.

I was a teenager swallowed up by the so called Justice system. While I awaited trial, over 258 days of incarceration in the County jail, I was repeatedly terrorized and sexually assaulted by Predator Jail guards that worked there during that time. I was my own defense attorney in the end due to the bias of the attorneys appointed to represent me. Neither of the two had been willing to simply defend me by helping me to prove my innocence. I don’t regret representing myself since it gave me the opportunity to sift through all the alleged evidence gathered against me. It was all very enlightening….and pointless. All it was, was EVIDENCE of a MODERN DAY WITCH HUNT: FALSE ALLEGATIONS. FALSE IDENTIFICATIONS. FALSE ACCUSATIONS done by those in authority.

(Note: Not all of the jail guards that work in that County jail are Predators. There are a good many of them that do their jobs without ever abusing or raping any inmate.

The reference to the Predators that work in that jail is only meant to include the jail guards that sexually abuse and rape inmates and/or know it’s happening and refuse to turn their coworkers in).

(No part of this blog post is to be used without my permission. I am the author of this blog and this blog post and sole rights of the Blog content belong to me).

I Was Not Sleeping

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The stuff of nightmares…things that have happened to me that I had no control over…often revisits me day after day, night after night…and the sad thing is that I am awake, not sleeping.

I remember when….came one morning to find me in my cell. The Previous night guard bragging to him about his and other’s self proclaimed prowess in playing part in sexually assaulting me…

He stood there laughing as the other jail guard talked about his exploits, not caring that I was awake and hearing every word that was said…I was not sleeping….while the the Predators bragged and stalked…

Later time brought the cover up of rape and sexual assault…then the jail transport guard that had listened in rapt attention to the night guard that had bragged about his part in what happened to me…

Took me up the stairs one day to court instead of using the elevators…and rubbed himself on me, pressing into my body as I took each step up towards the courtroom where my Hearing was waiting for me….

The Judge was already seated on his throne, a small video monitor on his desk…that clearly showed a black and white image of the stairs that I had just been brought up to get to the court room….

Did he see what the guard did to me? Was he watching? I’d never noticed the small video monitor on his ‘throne’ before…was it a threat or an instigation daring me to say something...

As he informed the Court that the elevator was broken and that I’d had to be brought up the stairs to the courtroom…Did he see what the jail guard did to me? How could he not?

Maybe he didn’t but either way it doesn’t change the fact that I was sexually assaulted on the stairs on the way to my court Hearing…by the jail guard who had listened to the night guard…

Tell about his part in sexually assaulting me…This listening had a ripple effect of corruption and coverup…it coerced the transport guard into taking part in the ring of other Predator guards…I was not sleeping…

Abuse, rape, manipulation in the system that is supposed to protect you, that is supposed to stand for justice…in that County there is no Justice due to the Ripple Effect of Corruption… I was not sleeping

Early morning hours bring memory, reflection of a system that hurt and abused me… in a place where predators roamed free to rape, to manipulate, to instigate…I was not sleeping

Predators like magnets drawing in those they know that are dark and lacking in morals like themselves…instigating them to perpetrate a crime against an inmate….he is as guilty as the others for his part…

I was not sleeping. I was not sleeping. I was not sleeping. I was not sleeping. I was not sleeping. I was not sleeping. I heard every word, felt every abuse. I was not sleeping…..

As the transport guard pressed himself firm against me, his body melding into mine, every step of the way…he knew he was violating me, he knew he was sexually assaulting me on the way to my court Hearing….

Kittens Oh My!

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I am so blessed to have such wonderful critters in my life! Two kittens bring a lot of smiles. Though they’ve grown and are now three and four years old, they still remain kittens in my heart. Love them so much!